Annual Love Story Competition

You know how it is. You make one little mistake in your life and there you are suddenly faced with making choices. If you’re lucky, it’s just a case of choosing between the better of two options, but my mistake? I’ve got at least four options and don’t know which one I want to take.
I’m pregnant you see. There I’ve just come right out and told you. A pity I couldn’t be so outright to Mum, get it out and take the recriminations that are bound to come. ‘For God’s sake, you’re only sixteen, Carly!’ That’s what she’ll say first. Then she’ll start on about how irresponsible I’ve been and don’t I know anything about contraception. Then she’ll tell me I’ll have to get rid of it, that I can’t ruin the great future she had mapped out for me and eventually she’ll mention Jack.
‘So what’s he got to say about it then?’ she’ll ask. Mum’s never liked Jack, she’s always said he’s too old for me – though he’s only twenty – and of course he’s not good enough. He’s a bit rough and ready, more James Dean than Cliff Richard, but he’s really kind and has always been careful not to take things too quickly as he’s been around a bit. What Mum doesn’t realise is how keen I was to learn from his experience. I mean we talk about sex all the time at school and who’s done what to who. I was beginning to think I was the only girl still a virgin, though I didn’t admit it exactly. Mind you I was secretly quite pleased as well; I’d always wanted to wait for the right guy. I guess you could say I’m a wee bit of a romantic, you know, all that stuff about finding true love. We did Romeo and Juliet at school this year and I knew just how Juliet must have felt. And she was younger than me!
Anyway, I soon knew Jack was the right one for me, my Romeo; he‘s just got something about him compared to the boys at school. I suppose it’s his maturity. He’s a bricklayer and has his own car and enough money to take me out to clubs and places, or just for a drink sometimes, though we’ve got to pretend I’m eighteen so I can get in. He’s not got his own flat yet, he’s saving hard for one, but there’s only his mum at home and she’s out all the time. So it’s quite easy for us to have time on our own. We usually watch videos or listen to his CDs and have a bit of a kiss and cuddle, drink a few beers that kind of thing, but no drugs mind – we’re not into that rubbish.
If I have this baby, I’ll make sure it gets plenty of love and cuddles; I don’t think a baby can get too many cuddles. And I wouldn’t let it cry until it was worn out. And I would breast feed it ‘cause they say that’s best for the baby, even if my mum thinks it ties you down too much. I heard her say that to our next-door neighbour who’s had a wee baby girl. I wouldn’t care about my figure or the milky smell or anything either. But I don’t know if I really should have the baby. I’m still thinking about it. As I said, there are four options. I could have the baby on my own, get a council flat. Or I could have the baby and marry Jack; he hasn’t asked me yet but I think he will. Or I could have the baby and get it adopted. Then there’s the fourth option; I could have an abortion. That’s what Mum will probably advise. I think it sounds terrible when you say that out loud. Abortion. People seem to talk about it all the time, as if it was an easy option, like the new morning-after pill. But it isn’t like that at all. At least the morning-after is almost immediate, before anything gets created properly. But abortion – that sounds so deliberate, like murdering someone really. I know it’s not exactly a baby yet, inside me, but I was reading this pamphlet about it the other day and do you know that it’s in the first twelve weeks that all the major organs develop? Well, I was stunned I can tell you. It’s sort of like a baby starts to grow right away… oh, I’ve just thought, maybe the morning-after pill is just as bad after all, though it doesn’t seem as bad. I mean you don’t think of that when it happens, when you actually ‘do it’.
It was one of those evenings we were at his house it happened. His mum was going to be out all night and we had a video as usual, the kind we both like, a thriller. Anyway it had this scene in it; a bit explicit it was, not just kissing but the whole thing. And when we were cuddling up and Jack started kissing me it was different somehow. It wasn’t enough suddenly.
And no matter what Mum will say, it was Jack who was holding back. I didn’t want it to stop. So there we were, things getting a bit steamy and it just happened. Before Jack could even get his condom out his pocket I had his trousers on the floor. I know now it was really stupid, not just because I got pregnant but I could have got anything. I mean we get talks at school about AIDS and things but you just don’t remember all that stuff when you get carried away. And they never warn you about feelings and passion. Jack was a bit worried but I thought it might not happen the first time.
I wonder if the baby is a boy or a girl? If it’s a boy it might have Jack’s dark hair and brown eyes or a girl might be small like me. If I keep it that is. I bought a pregnancy test from Boots in the next town. But I knew it would be positive, I’ve never missed a month before. I’ve even been to see the doctor and she promised she wasn’t allowed to tell my mother. I know I won’t be able to hide it much longer; I’ll have to tell her soon. She doesn’t have that much time for me but she’s sharp and she’ll soon notice I’m putting on weight. If I keep it.
Jack’s been great. He even offered to come and see Mum with me but I’ve a feeling that would make things worse since she doesn’t like him anyway. She can’t stand the thought of a son-in-law who hasn’t been to university.
She thinks I’m all set to study English in two years’ time then go on to be a teacher. I think that’s what she always wanted to do but got married too young and had me. She’s a beautician now and dad left years ago, but she always acts as though she missed out on something.
Jack hasn’t said yet what he wants me to do about the baby. I wish he would at least tell me he wants it to be born even if he doesn’t want to marry me, though I’m almost sure he loves me. I mean we could live together; everybody does that now, we don’t have to get married.
I wonder if its fingers have started growing yet. I think babies are so incredible, with their teeny wee fingers and toes. They’re an awful responsibility though; they’re so tiny and helpless. I wish they’d give us parent classes at school. It would be really cool learning about what to do with a baby and how to look after it. I mean what’s the point in telling us about how to make the babies without telling us how to look after them. Just saying, ‘remember to use a contraceptive when you have sex’ isn’t very helpful if you get carried away and it’s too late. It might be better if we got told about the sleepless nights and endless crying that babies mean. And not being able to go out when you feel like it. You see, I’m becoming aware of what it would do to my life if I have it.
Yesterday I went to see a counsellor. At an abortion clinic. Yes, I’ve got to that stage after all. I might not have to tell Mum or any of my friends. It doesn’t take that long to get it all over. I could tell Mum I’m staying with my best friend, Linzi.
The woman was quite kind considering I was thinking of destroying an innocent baby, but I think she could tell how upset I was about having to make the choice. Then she asked me what I would call the baby if I decided not to go through with this.
That’s when it happened, when I said: ‘Jack if it’s a boy and Sarah if it’s a girl.’
* * * * *
It’s all over now. All the choosing and the doubts. I’ve made my decision, after yesterday at the clinic. My baby is due in about seven and a half months, my little boy or girl, Jack or Sarah.
You see I hadn’t really thought of the baby as a person, not enough anyway. But when the counsellor asked me what the baby’s name would have been I suddenly knew I couldn’t do it. He or she is going to be my very own little child. Already I love this wee baby inside me more than I’ve ever loved anyone in my whole life. I’m going to tell Jack tonight and ask him if he’ll be with me when I tell Mum. I don’t care what either of them do or say. I’ve got someone more important to worry about now.

Shortlisted
The runner-up in the Annual Love Story competition was David Fields, Immingham, Lincolnshire.
Entries shortlisted to final judging stage were from: Celia Kay Andrew, Wootton Courtenay, Minehead, Somerset; Ronda Bird, Balwyn, Victoria, Australia; Vivien Edwards, Newhaven Harbour, East Sussex; Gerry Eglington, Kirk Yetholm, Kelso, Roxburghshire; Anna Evans, Tuakau, New Zealand; Anne L Harvey, Bolsover, Chesterfield; Melanie Keast, Cawston, Norwich; Helen Laycock, Chalfont St Peter, Buckinghamshire; Pamela Pottinger, Staffield, Penrith, Cumbria; Madeleine Purslow, Boldmere, Sutton Coldfield, West Midlands; Carey Jane Saleh, Crabbs Cross, Redditch, Worcestershire; Mike Smail, Warter, York; Frances Stott, Devizes, Wiltshire.